K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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