i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
