you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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