We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
