why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
