he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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