woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
