as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
