i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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