I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
