So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
