I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
