I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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