You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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