cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
