I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
