i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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