So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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