Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
