so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
