My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
