Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
