I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
