You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
