You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
