So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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