We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
