You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize