NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
