The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
