So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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