Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
