did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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