I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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