6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
