I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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