Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
