1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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