Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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