So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
