I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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