Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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