how can u be prego again
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
