The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
