In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
