i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
