This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
