when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
