I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
