porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
