If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
