Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're like the curious george of whores
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
