I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
