Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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