How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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