You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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