brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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