Non-Jews are for practice
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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