Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
