Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize