You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
