just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
