i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
