am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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