so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
