I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My liver just had a heart attack.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
