JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize