When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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