im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
