I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
